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~*Day to day ramblings about my life*~

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A friend of mine asked me to write down what my life has been like, dealing with CFS. She's doing some sort of a research paper on it and needs first hand experience, so to speak. She's asked me to write down all of my childhood illnesses and whatnot and I decided that if I gotta write all this, I'ma do it MY way.

My Life With CFSCollapse )

In other news, I got a call yesterday from a girl I went to high school with. It seems that a girl I'd known since 2nd grade was in a terrible car accident Friday. She was airlifted to Vanderbilt, where she had bleeding on her brain and was on life support. She told me she would call me today and let me know how things were.

Gail died at 4 o'clock this afternoon.

I'm sorta in limbo. I mean, I grew up knowing and being friends with this woman. Our freshman year in high school, she and I, along with another one of our friends were virtually inseparable. But after that first year of high school we grew apart. She got married before she finished, quitting our senior year. I would see her from time to time in town and we would stop and chat. But I hadn't even seen her in town or at all in about five years.

I'm sad that she's gone. I'm sorry that she's gone. But I can't bring myself to be that upset about it. We had become virtual strangers the last 10 years or so. And part of me is sorry that I can't be MORE sad that she's gone. Does that make me a bad person?

I don't want to go to the funeral home. Because I have a sneaking suspicion that will really finalize it all for me. And I'm scared that I won't feel anything. I feel for her family, for her two little boys that are now motherless. And in my own way, I grieve for the girl that I once knew. But I can't seem to grieve for the woman that she had become.

You probably all think me a horrible person now. I'm not too happy with this myself. But I can't be anything but honest about it.

I'm off to try to sleep. Undoubtedly a sleep wrought with nightmares and fear, but sleep nonetheless.
Current Location:
Apart from reality
Current Mood:
blank Apart from reality
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You Are The Sun

You represent the best of life - vitality, success, and and truth.
You tend to have a strong, centered, balanced personality.
Inspiration and discovery are your fortes. You are very mentally strong.
A talented mind, you tend to excel at math, philosophy, and music.

Your fortune:

As well as you have done in the past, the future is going to be filled with more success.
A new creative project is coming your way. Feed it, and it will grow into something huge.
Great riches, recognition, prosperity, or happiness is coming your way.
And it's possible that a fantastic vacation, or a new baby, is coming sooner than you think.
Current Mood:
crushed crushed
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moonstar_75's LJ stalker is bubumagoo!
bubumagoo is stalking you because you got better results for the 'acronym' thing than them. They are also slowly poisoning you!


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moonstar_75's LJ stalker is melodyhardy!
melodyhardy is stalking you because they have you confused with someone else whom they love. They are also deluded!


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moonstar_75's LJ stalker is goddesstiffany!
goddesstiffany is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also prank calling you regularly!


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moonstar_75's LJ stalker is trinasmurf!
trinasmurf is stalking you because they think you are rich and they want your blingbling. They are also stalking you in real life. Look out!


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moonstar_75's LJ stalker is x_kelly_belly_x!
x_kelly_belly_x is stalking you because they saw your picture and fell in love.. They are also leaving anonymous abuse on your journal!


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moonstar_75's LJ stalker is ziznooks!
ziznooks is stalking you because a little birdie told them you talked behind their back. They are also stalking the rest of your friends list!


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Today has been the worst day thus far.



I fell yesterday afternoon and sprained my wrist, dislocated my hip and scraped up my hand pretty good. I'm sorer than a motherfucker and I had to get up early to fix at that food for my ES class and then she goes and cancels the damn thing.


I could really use a good crying jag.... too bad I just did my mascara.


And to make matters worse, when Rick got home this morning all he could do was bitch and moan and then LAUGH at me for falling down!!! He didn't even bother to ask if I needed to go to the doctor or not. God, sometimes I wonder how in the HELL we're still married.



I didn't get to talk to my Kelly last night, which depressed me. I read Tam's LJ and got sad because she was upset. I'm almost afraid to ask, but can this day get any worse?




Uhhhh......... nevermind. My grandmother just called and told me that I needed to lose weight if I'm going to my cousins graduation next month, because "everyone else there will be thin...you don't want to be the only chubby one." Excuse the fuck outta me. I'm really starting to get annoyed by family members who seem to think they know what's best for me and how I should look. I know I'm not in their "league" in the looks department. That's fine. I've come to accept that over the last 25 years. But THERE'S NO NEED TO BRING IT UP ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111oneoneone



I finally snapped and told her that if they didn't want me to come as I am, that I was going to embarass them, then they could take their little graduation party and stick it straight up their asses. I'm sick to death of this bullshit. Needless to say, I'm sure I'll be getting aphone call from my dad tonight, asking me what in they hell I'm arguing about. My dad is cool though. He thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. Of course, he's obilgated to feel that way, since I'm his oldest daughter but..... SEE?!?!?!?! Here I am making excuses again! That's it. From now on, I'm me. NO excuses necessary. If you don't like the way I look, well..............fuck you and don't look at all.




*sigh* I feel better. Kelly and Tam were right about this LJ thingy.... it really is a bit of a stress reliever!
Current Mood:
annoyed annoyed
Current Music:
(I Hate) Everything About You ~~ Ugly Kid Joe
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Current Mood:
artistic artistic
Current Music:
Midnight Cinderella
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This is a test of the meregency broadcast system...oaky, no it really isn't. LoL. Tam's trying to help m e figure this thing out!
Current Mood:
aggravated Damnit
Current Music:
Fire and Rain ~ James Taylor
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